Nonfiction Sep 01 2001 How to Break a Side of Beef When I was a boy, my otherwise opinion-shy father decided that my head required a rubbing before I went off to take a test at school. Algebra, history, and chemistry tests gave equal cause for the ceremony, and even, to my bafflement, phys-ed, in which swift, lean boys captured the highest grades by racing two miles in less than twelve minutes.